Today on the How We Can Heal Podcast, Lisa Danylchuk continues her chat with 'Chill & Prosper' Author Denise Duffield-Thomas. The pair had such an in-depth conversation part 2 was a must, so let's pick up where they left off and continue their conversation.
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About Denise Duffield-Thomas:
Denise Duffield-Thomas is the money mentor for the new wave of online entrepreneurs who want to make money and change the world.
She helps entrepreneurs charge premium prices, release the fear of money and create First Class lives.
Her books 'Lucky Bitch', 'Get Rich, Lucky Bitch', and 'Chill & Prosper' give a fresh and funny roadmap to living a life of abundance without burnout.
Her Money Bootcamp has helped over 8,000 students from all around the world.
Outline of the episode:
- 04:41 Making money from real estate
- 21:02 What gives Denise hope right now
- 31:053 That one time it rained money
- 37:23 There’s Always More Mantra
- 42:02 The underrated skill we all need
- 53:11 Abundance vs. Enoughness
Resources:
Website: https://www.denisedt.com/
Chill and Prosper: https://www.denisedt.com/books
Tune into Denise’s podcast: https://www.denisedt.com/podcast
Transcription:
Denise Duffield-Thomas 00:04
So I'm learning to be a wealthy person. And I'm learning what does that mean generationally to be a wealthy person and not not blow it? And also, how do you raise your kids in that environment where they've never felt the lack that I had, that drives me. And so you know, what, how do you? How do you teach that to the next generation? Because if you've only ever known scarcity, how do you have that long term mindset of going, I have to protect this wealth, and I have to be smart with it.
Lisa Danylchuk 00:44
Welcome back to Season Two of the How We Can Heal podcast. I so enjoyed sharing season one with you. And we have some incredible guests coming on for season two. I created this podcast because the hard times seem to just keep on coming these days. These guests and I have committed our lives to healing work, and to fostering health and joy in the world, even as we work through the impacts of trauma and face deep challenges. So let's dive in. And let's all keep talking about how we can heal.
Lisa Danylchuk 01:13
Today, our guest again is Denise Duffield-Thomas, as we mentioned last week, and you can go back and listen to that episode if you haven't already. Denise is the author of Chillprenuer, Lucky Bitch, and Get Rich Lucky Bitch. All books that give a fresh and funny roadmap to living a life of abundance without burnout. She describes herself as a lazy introvert. She's a Hay House author. And she's also an unbusy mother of three. As we talked about last time, she owns a rose farm and lives by the beach in sunny Australia. We had just a great conversation about trauma, how it impacts our mindset and our behaviors and how we can prevent ourselves and even our children from connecting with desire and discernment. So let's pick up where we left off and continue this conversation. It's a rich one, and I hope you enjoy.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 02:07
The cool thing is to a lot of people listening, they don't aspire to be a millionaire. But I mean for my grandmother, you know, even just a couple of $1,000 that she could earn by herself would be life changing would have been life changing for her. Same with my mom, you know, my mum, just a little bit of extra money, but they just didn't. They didn't live in the time that they could do that. Yeah, you know, and so people listening, it's like, well, you could have a side hustle. That means you could pay off your mortgage earlier or, you know, upgrade your life in some way. You don't have to make millions and millions and I mean, it's nice, but you don't. It doesn't doesn't fix everything. One of the latest purchases that I just bought, because now I like real estate. I like real estate. I went through a bit of a car phase actually where I would rescue like old. You know, those old trucks that you can have on a farm that they don't go anywhere? They're just an old rusty truck. Yeah, I have several of those.
Lisa Danylchuk 03:16
Oh, my goodness. Alex and I are gonna show up to your house. My partner Alex loves and I always joke. This is so funny. I always joke I was like, I don't want to have the house with 40 old trucks on the law and like, do they work? Do we have space to keep them somewhere because he has two old trucks right now. And everywhere we go. He like shops them so sure he would just be idling.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 03:41
So I have so I have a combi that was the first classic car that I bought. It was a zombie Combi that got completely restored. It's like a 1974 right hand drive automatic because I can't drive a manual. The next one I bought was a 1956 mint green Chevy. And then the next one I bought was I've got an MG now. Beautiful baby blue mg convertible. And then I bought a 1991 Nissen s cargo. It looks like a snail. It's like a little snail. So that's a little flower van at the farm. It's like this cute little snail thing. And then I've got the two rusty old trucks and then I've got an old VW Beetle that again doesn't doesn't go she just has like succulents growing in her. Yeah, but my latest purchase I bought a bank
Lisa Danylchuk 04:43
What
Denise Duffield-Thomas 04:47
A lady bought it. It used to be the Bank of New South Wales and then Westpac you know, a bank here in Australia bought it for a little while it's in this little town near the vineyards. So you know where those little country towns. It's like a little bit of a touristy kind of town. And this lady bought it at auction in 1990. And it's the bank at the front. And then there's like, house because the bank manager used to live there. And so I bought it with my husband and my my girlfriend who's an interior designer, and yeah, we got a bank.
Lisa Danylchuk 05:21
What with the bank. What do you do with it? I don't even know. If someone gave me a bank, I'd be like, thanks. What do I do with this?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 05:30
It's really cool. So the front, the owner, the previous owner, they turned it into like an antique store. So it's just like a big open space. So it could be a wine bar. It could be
Lisa Danylchuk 05:44
But it's not like all of the operations and everything and no building. Yeah, okay. Okay, got it. Yeah, that makes more sense.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 05:51
Yeah, and residency, it just needs to upgrade, you know, which is something that we love to do. We love renovating houses. And the thing that I love doing the Pinterest board. Yeah. So I've got, you know, the beautiful Pinterest board. And then Naomi is the designer and renovator so she's the one who's like we need, this is where the power goes. And this is where the aircon units go and, and stuff like that. And then Mark's really good at it is my husband, he's really good at calling the mortgage broker to make sure that, like, I hate those details. So this is the first property that we bought together as the three of us. But Naomi did the renovations at our farm, she's renovated other houses with us before and, and we've got iron a few other properties around town too, that we'd love to renovate. And the thing that's really interesting, though, is that we meet people who are property developers, and they're so just about the money. And for us, we want to make sure we make money out of it, because we're not idiots. But it's more about like, we're just like, oh, we want this to be a beautiful space. And we want this to be a beautiful asset to the community. And, and what's really cool because it is that has that bank, you know, background, I love going to the auctions and buying, you know, like old you know, the old bank teller tables and the old desks and, you know, all the old brass stuff. And, you know, I'd love a little deposit sign for the toilets and fun stuff like that. So I am, where I'm where I'm kind of moving, I think into this new phase for me is, you know, I've been rich for a couple of years now. Right? You know, I'm, I'm 42 I made my first million in revenue at 35. So, I'm then stepping into that next level of that of going, Okay, I don't want to just blow it because I could totally do it, you know, again, from my background of feast or famine, I don't always make the best financial decisions because I'm learning to be a wealthy person. And I'm learning what does that mean generationally to be a wealthy person and not not blow it? And also, how do you raise your kids in that environment where they've never felt the lack of that I had that drives me and so you know, what, how do you how do you teach that to the next generation? Because if you've only ever known scarcity How do you have that long term mindset of going I have to protect this wealth and I have to be smart with it. And also then to go I don't want them just to be trust fund kids. So how do I teach them? And so I yeah, that's my next phase of learning is like really stepping into what I am wealthy person. Well, I'm new money and new money. How do I make that last? And how do I make it? Yeah, how do I how do I make that smart? And how do I be generous with it? And you know, because I can see I can see that those little things are slipping away from me of of understanding, you know, and remembering what it's like to to not have as much. For example, I pay my suppliers, I pay them on the day they send that invoice or and I do that because I know what it's like when you it's like a day you need that money. Yeah, because you're out of money like you literally have nothing and I feel like I have to remember that that feeling right you know and but then how do you pass that on to kids because you go you always pay on the day like that's just a value of our family. But they weren't they weren't know that in the bones of what that feels like to have no money. Yeah, and the difference.
Lisa Danylchuk 09:39
Well, they might they might feel some of the sort of pass down effect from it but their their upbringing is so vastly different from yours that sometimes it can be hard to really transmit that message of like to understand and I think of the classic like grandparents stories uphill both ways in the snow, right try to communicate this hardship that another generation isn't facing? Well, we get right to school, but it was uphill both ways for us.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 10:08
Exactly. Even for Willow, so Willow's eight. And she's, she really understands that we have some really great conversations. But I don't even say things to her, like work hard, you know, I'll say if you've got a dream, and you're persistent because I think that's just a nice little nuance to go. Because it's not about working hard. She has friends whose parents work really hard, which doesn't mean that they're going to be wealthy. We know that that's there's very little correlation actually, between work working out of money. So um, I really talk to her about, you know, we do have a lot more than some of your people that you know, in our lives, but it doesn't make us better than anyone. It doesn't make us worse than anyone. And it's just really tricky to find. How do you talk to them about that, you know? And also I don't want her to feel guilty and feel like, then she has to go the other way. And she has to give everything away. You know? So it's like, well, you know, we're privileged, so we have a responsibility to give things away or to give money and to help other people. But I don't want her to feel like to feel guilt because she, I feel like she has that personality, she can probably, you know, feel really guilty. And you can see that sometimes we're your families get really wealthy, then they're their kids, especially their girls maybe then go into nonprofit, or they become artists who never have to really worry about the commerciality of being an artist. And the pendulum kind of swings back and forth a lot. And I would love her to she's very artistic actually. And so I'd love her to go to university and have an amazing time doing an arts degree if she wants to do it. You know? And then you go, Okay, well, then do you pay their rent? While they're there? Right? Or do you go? No, you have to get a job. And then I think of some of the jobs I had, as, you know, that young person where I was really exploited because I needed the money. And then you just go, but then do you protect them from that? So it's again, Lucky Bitch problems, but it's just that. That feeling of like it, what do you talk to your kids about? Where do you bring them in? Because you don't want them to have to worry too early about money. And yet, how do you develop their ambition? I think I would have been ambitious. However, I grew up. Yeah. But I wouldn't have had the I don't know just that empathy sometimes of just going I remember what that's like.
Lisa Danylchuk 12:46
Yeah. And that's something you can pass down to your kids. And I feel like we could do a whole other episode about raising kids. And how do you communicate around this? I'm curious what you would say to someone who feels like really up against the wall right now. Like, I'm living a very different, very difficult financial reality. I would love to have a farm, I would love to buy trucks. They're looking for hope they're like, to me, show me the way how did you get here? And I know you've written books about this, you have courses about this, and all of that's available, but even a few words like what would you say to someone who's in that place today?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 13:22
Absolutely. And you know, there's a lot of people in my industry who do a real disservice to those people. Because, you know, that's the reality sometimes. Like, that is the reality, and you can't just wish it wish it away. So there's a couple of things that you can do. One is a feeling that it's temporary. Yeah, and this is hard, right? It's hard when you're in it to go, this isn't this isn't where I'm supposed to be. This is temporary, and I can I can handle it. One thing that I used to do, which made me feel incredibly empowered, when I was at my absolute brokest I would give deliberately give because I wanted to start to see myself as a wealthy, generous philanthropist. Yeah. And I got this from Oprah, watching Oprah. And I remember just thinking I want to be that wealthy. And so you know, when you're feeling you feeling the lack you feeling the scarcity. And I hear people though, they'll go, oh, it's not much but I'm, you know, I'm gonna donate to this thing. I know, it's not much, and you go actually proportionally to your income. That's incredibly generous. Yeah. And so if you start to think of yourself as being that generous person that I have enough to give, that I can give away, and I'll give you an example. I used to put like small coins. And I would go and put them in like a phone booth. And I put it in there and I'd go, this is going to be such a gift because you know when you find money and you feel like a millionaire. Yeah, you know, and I just I would give myself such a feeling of pleasure and generosity to go, I'm so wealthy that I can put this coin and it can be. What's your smallest coin and nickel? Dime?
Lisa Danylchuk 15:10
A penny
Denise Duffield-Thomas 15:11
A penny. Okay, you still have pennies. So imagine putting that paycheck
Lisa Danylchuk 15:14
still have some in my wallet.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 15:16
Okay, well, there you go, you still have them, whatever there that is and it's still, when you're broke, it still feels big, to be able to be so generous that you can do that. But I would do it in a way though, I'd say this has given me so much pleasure to think about this person finding this. And I'm so wealthy I can get this way. When I was super broke, and I had nothing, I would give compliments. Yeah, because I would say I'm so wealthy, I have enough to give away. And so I would be like, Wow, you're amazing, you know, or I love that or, you know, thank you so much, you're really great at what you do or whatever. And then if if I felt too shy because I'm an introvert, I would send them thought bubbles. So I'd be sitting on the bus on the way to work. No money, you know, and I'd be like, I wish you the greatest sex life. I wish you joy, I wish you peace and happiness, I wish you all this. And that feels like it's cool. How's that gonna change your financial situation? But it's that feeling of abundance, in whatever way you can engineer. Whatever way you can engineer because we know that when you feeling scarce when you feel stressed all the time, there's no energy to do anything about it. Yeah, and that's when too, you might even have bad stuff happen. Like, I never opened my credit card statements, because I couldn't handle the stress of opening. So I pay my credit card bill late every month, that was just an extra $25 late fee that I didn't need to do, but I was I just had so much angst and no peace in my body. Then you could do, you could use your best cup. And so you start to incrementally up your standards and calm your nervous system as much as you can. Doing, you're tapping, doing all those things which are free. But sometimes you just don't have the bandwidth to do it. And the more of those things that you can do, then you actually free up bandwidth in your brain and your energy to either say no to things to change your situation, maybe ask for a pay increase or to apply for a different job, or to start a side hustle, or to be a bit more visible or to make more offers and your business. And it becomes a self-fulfilling thing. And it could start with you just go you know what I'm gonna wear my perfume that I'm saving for good. Because I deserve it. And it could be tiny little things to have going. Some people don't know what they want, because they've never been allowed to choose. Yeah. And it could be that you start to make little unreasonable requests. Like if you're in a cafe, and you drop your spoon, so many people would just be like, oh, well, I don't have a spoon now. And it could take every ounce of your courage to say, do you mind if I get another spoon? Yeah, and that could be a practice, or I started to because I use a lot of milk in my tea. I'd run out of milk, you know, when they give you a little milk thing? And I'd go, do you mind if I have a little bit more milk? But that took me years to feel like I was allowed to make an unreasonable request.
Lisa Danylchuk 18:37
And so it's totally reasonable request to if you order tea in a cafe or restaurant, can I get a little more milk? Very reasonable request but feels feels unreasonable.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 18:47
If you've been told your whole life, you get what you get, and you don't get upset. Yeah, and you never ask, or your you know, you've made your bed you have to lie on it. You know, when you? I don't know you ordered something wrong. And it's just like, I have to do this. Like I like, It's my mistake. I think practicing just going hey, do you mind? Is this okay? Hey, I'm really sorry. And you'd have to be a dick about it. But that thing of just going, oh, I'm allowed. And you know what, actually, as I've made more money, too, I realize you can just solve so many problems with money. You just got I've made a mistake. I don't actually don't have to live with it. It's it will be consequences. But actually, money is such an easy consequence. Compared to so many other things. It's like, oh, just pay for that inconvenience to go away. Yeah, which is an interesting thing in itself right of going. Maybe my kids won't be as resilient and problem-solving as me. Because let us solve the problems with money.
Lisa Danylchuk 19:49
I think when you're supporting youth, it's such a big edge like When do you come and be that rising tide for them and when do you let them find the ladder and climb up or find the rose or whatever is appropriate and isn't it. Like, when do you support them? And when do you let them figure it out? And I think, you know, both are important. Because if it's always, you know, I have someone I've worked with for years who, and she'll probably listen to this podcast whose parent would just say, fucking figure it out whatever happened. And that's like the mantra. And that's, that's like abandonment, right? That's, there's no support, there's nowhere to turn. Well, can someone show me? Can you teach me can? Is there any scaffolding or guidance here? And in those circumstances, no. And the flip of it, of course, everything's fixed, and there's no problems and you don't figure out how to be resourceful or figure out that you can do it. You don't get that sense of accomplishment of my homework was hard. And then I did it. And now I feel better, or whatever the thing is, I learned how to swim, I learned this thing. Exactly. We don't develop an internal sense of ourselves as capable. So it's, it's an edge right there. And I can totally see how having, you know, what you call like new money in your family if there's an edge there of how do you how do you support those kids?
Lisa Danylchuk 21:02
I'm curious, and you mentioned the impacts of the pandemic, which just giving you hope, right now, given all the crap we've been through in the last few years, and I know there's always something if you take any point in history, there's something but it does feel like it's been coming out, you know, pretty hard and heavy.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 21:17
A nice way of saying it's a very newsy time. Um, yeah, I got what you were just saying there before about fucking figure it out. I have that. I had that. And so I realized sometimes I also feel very helpless when it's a newsie time because I feel responsible for fixing all the problems of the world.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 21:49
You know, my mom was 17, when she had me, I was the adult. I financially support my mom now, which is a whole interesting dynamic in itself. But so I, I have to find that line for myself of witnessing and caring and what to care about, and where to put money and things like that. Versus when I'm in a not so good space around it. Literally, Everything's my fault. And I have to fix all problems in the world. Have you seen on Twitter at the moment, this clapback that people are going to give each other when someone's a bit too online? And they go, go touch some grass?
Lisa Danylchuk 22:34
Oh, I haven't seen that. No.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 22:36
It's so good. It's one of those things. It's like, you need to go touch some grass. And it's like, you need to go outside. And yes, there is a there's a wealth. And so that's to me, I mean, I'm here at the beach, so I can go I went down to the beach the other day, I picked up shells with my kids. I go to the farm. I I touched some grass. Yeah.
Lisa Danylchuk 22:59
Yeah, I love I love nature and going outside. But I've had these moments since we got dogs, where I'll just go outside right before the end of the night. And I'll just open the door and let them go pee and look up at the stars. And I feel like that's that. I think it's the same energy that they're saying with go to grass. It's like, I look up and I see the stars. And I just get this like, oh my god, I can breathe in oxygen in my lungs, and it keeps me alive. And I'm a part of this big, living organism. And it makes you feel small in a really good way. Like, I'm so interdependent with all of this. And so many of the little like mental things we get, especially when we're super zoomed in online, like oh, just take a breath, touch the grass, look at the sky like and that's the opposite of the new ones, right? Because we're getting all that news just thrown in our face. And we're trying to digest it, but we can't because it's too much for anyone.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 23:52
It's too much. Way too much.
Lisa Danylchuk 23:55
But then if we go outside, and we're like, well, most of the time in our immediate environment. It's, I mean, at least where I live in a sort of suburban neighborhood, it's pretty peaceful. There's birds chirping, there's a really nice tree in the backyard with a swing on it. If I look around, I'm like it's okay. It's okay. And that brings your whole system down.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 24:15
All is well as Louise Hay used to say. Yeah, I am. I had to call Hay House, so Hay House is my publisher. I had to call them out because I was trying to back and forth with the CEO of Hay House, his secretary back and forth on email about time zones and stuff like that. And also, I'm just going to call her and we have our calendars together. And Louise Hay answers the phone.
Lisa Danylchuk 24:40
What?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 24:41
It's a recorded message obviously. And she sounded like kind of, you know, older when she recorded it. She probably did it every she probably recorded every couple of years. And it was like hello, you've reached Hay House. This is Louise Hay. And it just really like touched something in me and at the end, and she's like, it's, it's so funny because she's literally like, press one for payroll and press two, like she goes through the whole menu. They must have made her do all these things of like, you know, blah, blah, blah. But at the end, she just goes all as well. Oh my god, I needed to hear that I actually hung up on cold game because I wanted to hear it again.
Lisa Danylchuk 25:19
Yeah, I was like, I would do that I wouldn't call her back like one more time. One more time.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 25:24
Always well, and I just thought, sometimes we really need to hear that message. Because we, all the people that I work with, no one wants to make money to like, gain power over people. No, nobody wants to do it to have the most amount of toys. They want to do it because they want to create good things in the world. They want to help people. And that's the hard thing. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to make money from helping people. And also to not be fearful of that power. Because power is such a negative has a negative connotation. And we're afraid of what we would be with that power sometimes.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 26:07
And so I just know, like, you're gonna be a good person, like, it's total, it's totally fine, you'll be the same person like I'm a good person, and I'm a she person sometimes. You know, I'm a bitch I'm a, you know, that song, I'm a bitch. I'm a Child, I'm a mother, I was like, You will literally be the same person good and bad for all of those things. But I know that the people listening to your podcast to my podcast, like at our heart, we just we want good things for the planet. We know that there's no such thing as other people's children. We know that we're here to help. And it's hard being a human in that in that world. So don't don't be afraid of that power.
Lisa Danylchuk 26:53
And all as well.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 26:54
All is well.
Lisa Danylchuk 26:56
No, I love it. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Denise. I've so enjoyed our conversation. Oh, you're amazing. And I've already read all your books, but I want to read them again.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 27:06
Yeah, well, I've got my new version out. I don't know when people are listening to this. But if you go to denisedt.com/prosper, there's links to the book there. You can buy it anywhere. And then you can just plug in your details. And there's there's some subliminal meditations as bonuses and some fun things. And the book really is a mix of personal development and practical stuff. Because I think business is really easy. It's all a mindset, human stuff that trips us up. And why not? You?
Lisa Danylchuk 27:39
Right, exactly. So that was Denise dt?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 27:44
The website denisedt.com/prosper which is the the title of that ebook. So yeah. Thanks, Lisa, for having me on. And let me talk about things.
Lisa Danylchuk 27:57
Maybe I'll come see your rose farm one of these days or beach house for that matter? I don't know if you take people there?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 28:02
Well, sorry. But um, there's some flooding happening in my farm at the moment. So who knows that the the retreat I'm having it might have to be relocated to the bank or to the beach house? Yeah, but I definitely feel that it's a place of healing. And, you know, once the world opens up again, I'll definitely be holding more events there. Because it's, it's got nothing to do with me. And it's real magic space there. And I just know, I need just to bring people there. And I don't have to stress about what I'm going to tell them too much.
Lisa Danylchuk 28:35
Yeah, let them walk over rose garden. Yeah, exactly.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 28:40
There's actually a real lot of lessons in that to me too, because when we bought it, we assumed that it had been in the same family for a long time. And it's actually changed hands every three to five years.
Lisa Danylchuk 28:53
Interesting.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 28:54
Yeah. And there's a real energy to that space of, I really feel like it's a I mean, I call her Edith, the spirit of the place where she's just like, brings people in, great, you're gonna build a shed for me, you're gonna build a thing and then On you go. And a lot of misfortune has come into people's lives from this, I mean, not from the farm, but you know, there's been people who divorce and so they sold it or the previous owner had a stroke, you know, he was a very busy busy doctor. And he he bought that as part of his retirement plan. But then what he did is he built a little Doctor surgery on the property and continued continued seeing patients and built another busy place there and he sadly had a stroke and, and died and so we we knew that we had to do some energy work. And I feel like the land was waiting for someone like me who has connections to amazing people all around the world. Who can bring that energy into the space not just someone who is local, but someone who, you know, is like, Oh, this this person, you know, treats people in the Netherlands come over, you know, this person is from. And it's so cool that we live in this time that we can connect with each other.
Lisa Danylchuk 30:15
Yeah
Denise Duffield-Thomas 30:15
And not feel like we're the, you know, the lone weird person. In our communities. It's like, yeah, so I feel like the land was waiting for me. And I hope it's, uh, I hope it's in my family now, for for a long time. And, you know, I come I come onto the land with that, with that energy of going, thank you. And I had a friend who does space clearing and land clearing. And again, no, I love to walk away. But my practical brain is always like, okay, whatever. And she was like, I've been talking to the trees, and the trees have agreed that you can stay. And then you can go when you have a message for the land, you can talk to this particular tree. He's the leader of the trees, and he will spread the message all the rest of the trees. And I was like, great. That's totally fine. Done. Done, I can do that. I can say hi to the trees, no problem. And I love that instead of being afraid you bring the healing, right. Instead of going, Oh, these bad things happened here. Oh, no, you go, Oh, all right, well, we're just going to bring people and we're going to talk to the trees and we're going to be respectful of the land. We're gonna take care of it. And we're gonna have some healing here. Absolutely. And it's surrounded by poplar trees, and poplar trees, you know, they grow quite straight and tall. And when the wind rustles through I go, That's the sound of money. You know, when in like, bank heist movies like The the money goes, flies up in the air. And so whenever my palm trees rustle in the wind, I just go. That's the sound of money.
Lisa Danylchuk 31:44
Ah, so that reminds me if you have one more minute, can you tell the story of the bag of money hit your windshield, did that really happen?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 31:53
It really, literally happened so we wanted to buy a house, we bought a house out in the suburbs, we were walking along the beach. And I said to Mark, I'm really sorry, we have to sell that house, we need to be hidden near the beach. So we started to look for houses. And I went into one house and I heard this voice saying this is not your house, get out. And I went okay, so I went across the road. And this is the place where I went, what about this house. And it was a real big stretch financially. But I always say to our financial advisors, like, tell me how much money I'll go away, I'll get the money. Money's easier to get the land. There's way more money than land. So I'm always like, there's always more money, that's fine. And, but I was feeling this, the upper limit of it, the stretch of it. And so on the day that we were getting the keys and I mean, we demolish it was like an apartment building block here. I was just feeling absolutely sick. And I said to Mark, we were driving to go get the keys and and I said, we're gonna have to really tighten our belts in the next year. Because I felt like, is that sacrifice thing? Right? It's like, I asked for this big manifestation. So I have to sacrifice and now I have to face the consequences of that instead of just, you know, being abundant. And, and he looked at me, he's like, that doesn't sound like you. And I said, you're right, there's always more money. And as I said that a shower of money hit our car. Literally, it literally happened does not about a four and $50 notes in Australia, a bright yellow. We call them pineapples, but they're like literally bright yellow. And so this shower 50 All notes hit our car, and windscreen wipers came on automatically. And we both screamed. Yeah, it was it was crazy. And it was a very busy road. And so we like do we stop, you know? And I was like, No. And I was just laughing. We were like, did that happen? If I was by myself, I would never have believed that it happened. I would have thought it was a hallucination. But we both saw it. And, and I just thought it was the funniest thing to happen because there is always more money. And we can sometimes, you know, get into the scarcity of that of going well, no, you know, this is my job. This is much larger and but it's like well, actually, there is a lot of money and opportunity out there. And it's not always easy to find, but it is it is, you know, living that space of there is always more money. And so whenever I find something that I want to buy, there I go. But there's only one of this, you know, there's always more money and I was like that with the bank. I was like, you don't get to buy a bank every day. But I can always go out and help more people. There's heaps more people I can help. And yeah, so I drive past there quite often and I'm not just always reminded because I think there's got to be at least one $50 Note that got stuck in a bush or something like that somewhere in I've never heard anyone mention it, you know, and I think I mean my, you know, logical mind is like someone obviously was, you know, going to buy a car? Or, you know, because there was a good couple of $1,000, I reckon. So that, you know, someone could have been holding it and it just flew out the window or, you know, their kid accidentally threw it out the window or something like that that happened. But all I know is money. Money hit my car at that exact moment when I said, there's always more money. And so I always when you asked, you know, what do you say, when you feeling scared, I use that all the time. Because I, my ambitions are scary. And, you know, I still buy things. The bank, for example, it's like, I wasn't gonna buy any more properties, this guy bought a few properties. And I wasn't gonna buy any more cars or whatever. And I just always remember, okay, there's always more money. And I say that not to be delusional about it, but to go, we'll get to work. Go help some more people. Yeah, and I look at people who are ahead of me in business. And I go, Well, they've had X amount of people through their programs. So I know that's a belief. That's an extra bit of belief me, like, for example, Marie Forleo, who has B School, a program called B school. She's had 70,000 People go through her program. I've had eight and a half 1000 people. Yeah, so every time I think everyone's seen my program. I go, not really. Yeah, not really, there's always more money, go out and help more people. So more boot camps, which I know for me, it's shorthand to go change your life. Right? Yes, yeah. So that's going to be really helpful for anyone listening just to go there's always more money, but you know where I started it. Sorry, Lisa. I know we're going so over you're gonna have to put this into two.
Lisa Danylchuk 36:40
I'm good, if you're good.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 36:43
I started these with saying, there's always more, there's always one more hairband.
Lisa Danylchuk 36:49
Nice
Denise Duffield-Thomas 36:50
I actually didn't deal with money for a long time. Because you know how when you need a hairband, I always go. There's always one more. Yes. And then it would make me go. So where is it? Is it in the corner of the room? Is it in my handbag? Is it in the bottom of my drawer instead of going there's no more headbands? I go? There's always one more headband.
Lisa Danylchuk 37:11
And that's so funny, because I have literally had the thought before. Oh, I'm almost out of hairbands.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 37:18
There's always one more.
Lisa Danylchuk 37:20
Right, there's always one more somewhere.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 37:22
Literally
Denise Duffield-Thomas 37:23
On the microphone here or on your coffee cup, or somewhere in the bottom of a bag.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 37:28
And it just opens your eyes to the possibilities. So I started with headbands. And then I started doing coins. Because I mean, I hardly use cash anymore. But you know when it's just like, when you use cash, you're always like five cents short or something. And I'd be like, no, no, there's always more, there's always more coins and I'd go where is it? And then I'd find one on the street I'd find one in the corner or I'd find one in my pocket or it's fine. So then I developed this thing of like, oh, there's always enough. There's always enough and I realized to like my husband Mark, he would look in the cupboard and go there's no food. And I'd go I could make steady meals out of what's in the cupboard. Yeah, you know, there's and just that feeling of like, oh there's enough or as well, but start with hairbands or start with bobby pins when you guys call them curvy hoops? Bobby Pins?
Lisa Danylchuk 38:17
Yeah we call them Bobby Pins.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 38:19
Things always one Oh, Bobby Pete around. Yeah. There's always one more chapstick that you haven't you forgotten about? Yep.
Lisa Danylchuk 38:28
Um, there's always one more safety pin. Right? If you for runners, you get them on your bib every time and I always save them. And I'm like, why am I saving? I have so many I mean anymore these but there's always at least one more.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 38:43
There's always one and so start with the path of least resistance. You might not be ready there yet to think of it as as money. And you can hear me though saying, well, there's always more money to buy a bank. Yeah, but to me now, that's the same as when I had to say there's always one more hairband because I was just always like that there's lack in the world and I don't deserve and, you know, there's not enough for me and everyone else gets the headbands and not me. And that's when you that's when it really becomes super fun. Because then money is just a it's just an energy, right? It's just a unit of anything. And people listening might not be there yet, but you'll get there. And you get that incrementally of going. Well, there's always one more dollar note. And then you like well, there's always one more thing and then you just it's really magical when that starts to happen because you just you're in a place of looking and you know and that's when you find things then you go Oh, I forgot I had that gift card that someone gave me. Okay, I'll go and use that gift card. It's like it just opens your opens your mind to it and you can just practice and have fun with it. And and then that's what I teach the kids because I know you're such a money magnet. You know and so they look and where where I learned that from was actually was the luck factor, the book, the luck factor by Richard Wiseman. I think his name is, um, and he talks about he did a study about luck. And it was one of those studies where people had to come, you know, they paid people, whatever, come and do it. And they put an advertisement in newspapers, you know, are you a lucky person, you were unlucky person, whatever, come to do the study, but they hid money around the center to see who would find money. And sometimes it would be like a $5. Note, they would put on the footpath outside his office. And then they would be like, well, who found it, and it was always the people who consider themselves to be lucky, who found it so interesting. And the people who consider themselves to be unlucky, usually didn't, didn't look at it. And of course, there are nuances within that, that, you know, around privilege. And, again, trauma if you always expect bad things to happen. So I, I remember, that fear of mine of going to the post box, opening my mail, even going into my Gmail account, because I'd be like, there's bad news, there's a bill, there's bad news. And I started to say, checks are in the post. Checks are in the post, and I got a refund check for something. And then I go all checks in the price. But then I'd go, Oh, I remember, I need to apply for that refund. Yeah, oh, well, we'll talk for that. And then I get a check in person. So it's the belief becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy sometimes, right? Because it's like, you just have more bandwidth to think about it. And it's like, well, of course, I'll go apply for that refund, because good things happened to me. Yeah, instead of
Lisa Danylchuk 41:33
And you're oriented to looking for for the thing, right for the hairband, or the refund check, or whatever it is, you're you're priming yourself to find. Right. And that's, I think, part of that resilience skill that we're talking about with kids, too, is like, Well, what do you do when you hit a wall where there's at least the perception of lack or scarcity or something's not there that you need? Well, then what do you do? And you're like, Well, you look for it.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 41:59
I'm looking around teaching our kids that I read how to win friends and influence people at a pretty young age. And I remember there was that thing of giving people compliments. And so I would, you know, try and, and because I was introverted, and had social anxiety. So that really helped me to go, wow, I really liked your tie, or, you know, or that's an interesting broach. And the flip side of that is, of course, then people love getting compliments, and they love, you know, hearing their own name and things like that. So I'm, I'm teaching that to our kids at the moment of just going, you know, what, people love getting compliments. And it's, and I was just my son, he's, he's six, but I can see he's got a bit of a Machiavellian streak to him, and also saying to him, and then people were, like, will be more inclined to do things for you. You know, and they'll want to do favors, and they'll think of you. And they'll, they'll, and so it's trying to teach him, that's a really good skill to have. Because I actually did have that as a kid of I was just likeable. And so people would want to do things for me and my little sister who's much younger than me, she was always just like, teachers hate me. And, and I was, like, be how to play the game. You know? And she'd be like, Well, they didn't like me. They didn't give me good grades. And I'm like,
Denise Duffield-Thomas 43:21
well, let's change that. Why? You know, and I think I just learned I learned that at such an early age that
Denise Duffield-Thomas 43:30
you know, you can not manipulate people can be used for good or bad, right. But that's, yeah, that's one of the things I'm teaching my kids, I actually don't teach them a lot of things about money. I just really try and aim for neutrality around, you know, money's not good. Money's not bad.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 43:47
You know, don't touch that money is dirty. I don't say things like that. Or, you know, I just I really aim for neutrality, but I want them to see me going after my dreams and, you know, talking talking about things and they they know, I go I'm going to my office, I've got a meeting. You know, when when they see me put makeup on. Have you got a meeting today, mom? They thought my course was called mommy, mommy bootcamp for a long time.
Lisa Danylchuk 44:13
Oh, that's adorable. Mommy bootcamp,
Lisa Danylchuk 44:17
They' re like are you teaching them to be mommies. And so you know, if anyone is in a situation where you've got children, and you don't have a lot of money, just to aim for that neutrality. You know, my friend Marissa Roberts told me this. This trick, you know, she had kids before me. When kids are in a shop and they go, Mom, look at this thing. Can I have it? Actually acknowledging them is so important because my mom would be like, don't even look you know, how dare you almost like how do you even look? And that just caused so much damage later on of going, am I allowed to second bra? Rose she would even if she didn't have the money she would go? Oh my god, that is so cool. Let's take picture of it. You know, like, let's put it on your birthday list. Let's put it on your Christmas list. And it's such a different energy than going. No, you can't have that. What do you think money grows on trees? How dare you even look? And desire? You know? And if you could then just go, Wow, that's so cool. Which one? Do you like best? The blue or the pink? Or which one do you think would be the cause? It's, I think that acknowledgment is so important. And then they have this really beautiful relationship with it. And, you know, my, my kids will still say, Can I have this? And sometimes I go, No, and they go, why not? My mom used to say, I don't have the money. So I have to say, well, we're just randomly get stuff, you know, you know, or we care about the environment. So we just don't have millions of toys, or who will, that's awesome. Let's take a picture of it. But it's not that shaming thing, you know. So parents don't stress too much about your kids and their money mindset work on your own. Yeah, just work on your own stuff, about anything right, work on your own traumas, and work on your own desires. And that's what they'll say, you know, I know I literally my eldest, I hardly talk to her about money in specific ways. But then she'll say to me, Well, I want to write a book, and shall go, here's my draft, can you send it to your publisher? Nice, you know, should go can I sell this thing? You know, can I just go out to the street and tell people that I've written this book, because they just see that I'm, it's normal for me being a bookshop going? Well, that's my book. That's my friend's book. And they go, Well, I'm gonna do that. Okay, yeah.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 46:34
Normal. Yeah. And I mean, Willow, even schools, me, sometimes I was taking her around. But this is gonna be so cool to drive around and show her all the properties that I want to buy. Because I was saying to I see this building, I want to buy that one day and turn it into a hotel and see this building, I want to turn it into a retail park. And, and I said something like, you know, well, if we buy this, because when you buy a bomb, oh, adorable, I would manifest through this. And I was like, I've never specifically said that to her. But she's obviously picked it up from how I talk about things because I'd probably have sent it to mark sometimes going no, no, not if when, and that they just soak all that stuff up. And so she's like, No, when you buy that building mom. That's so cool. My god, I love it.
Lisa Danylchuk 47:19
I so appreciate that a lot of what you're talking about is about desire to it's like, a kid sees some, you know, shiny object or the pink this or the blue that do that. And they want it in the moment. And so rather than squashing that desire, honoring it, even feeding it, oh, do you want to put it on your birthday list, let's take a picture of it. Because I can even see a kid a month later looking at a list of or looking at their pictures and going I don't want that anymore, or whatever, right? Like, but allowing in that moment, for the desire to come forth. And even as you're talking about shopping around looking, okay, here's the bank. And here's the retail place. And these are the dreams I have. These are the visions I have this is the potential I see in these spaces to become more nurturing or more healing or, you know, a space for a certain business. There's so much potential in that. And I think sometimes we think we're talking about money, and we say no, you can't have that we can't afford it. No, you can't have that whatever reason. But we're we're not just talking about finances or accessibility. We're also saying like you, you can't dream about that thing, or you can't want, right, because it's beautiful to see a kid really want something and sometimes hopefully they get the things they really, really want, right that are ideally good for the environment, or I'm gonna stick around or they have a relationship with they're not just gonna throw away in five minutes, but but to allow them to want the thing, because I feel like so much of what you're talking about, is this like worthiness and permission. And it's like, well, if we can just let ourselves want and I know people who say I think it was Gabby Bernstein who was the first guest on this show, be unapologetic. Like I don't have to say sorry, Mom, I want this gumball. Just I want it. And maybe you get it. Maybe you don't that's not really the equation, not really, you know, important here, it's more about allowing the desire
Denise Duffield-Thomas 47:50
And the discernment of that, you know, because I think that's the sometimes the overcompensation of going well, I wasn't allowed to have. So then I'm gonna I want these, like, when I started making money, I was like, oh, well, I guess I have to wear high heeled shoes now. And so I remember buying, like my first pair of high heeled shoes thinking, wow, this is cool. And then I was like, I don't like this. But it was that feeling of like, well, that's what rich person is or does and then to almost then again, that's that layer of going well what kind of fabric do I like and what colors do I like? Because you don't might not know? Right? And you might make mistakes and sometimes people make mistakes and they think well that's well of course I'm not mentioned how that will be that will do that. Instead of going, Oh, no, that's just like now I have an extra layer of discernment of going, Oh, okay. Now I know this, like I found out I was allergic to champagne. I felt like, like I was like, but this is what fancy people drink. And so, like, well, this when you celebrate you drink champagne. And then I was like, I would always feel so sick. And I felt I was allergic to it. But it's that discernment of going, it's not so you know, you can have it or not have it. It's like, but what do you want? And then you live your life according to your desires because you can be super wealthy and choose to live in a tiny house. Yes, you can be not super wealthy and choose to overextend yourself and live in a McMansion or anything in between. And but there's, then there's a question mark. And sometimes we don't know, because we don't know what we're allowed to have. We're like, what can I have? And it's like, well, what do you want? I don't know. And I see people very paralyzed by so you start practicing little ways. Like if you go to a cafe, hang on, do I always order that? Because I'm supposed to, or it's the cheapest? Or someone else told me that was my preference. What do I like? And if you start with small things, like, actually, I'd prefer to have oat milk.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 51:16
Maybe if I, I know, it's 50 cents extra. But if I asked for that, is that, okay? And then you work your way up, you know, 50 cents might not break the bank. So some people, it's still a, you know, it's, it's still the difference between what they can and can't afford it. But sometimes it's habit of going, I'm gonna lead to ask, I'm gonna lead to make fast, or I'm gonna lead to be difficult, or I'm not allowed to spend extra money. And you just do it little incrementally, and it could be that you go, it could be time. For some people, you know, it's like, you always get to, if you go somewhere, you always get there on the morning of, and you might just go, I'm gonna get there the day before. Or I'm gonna give myself the gift of spaciousness. And because I was always running late as a kid, if, for me even getting somewhere 15 minutes before feels like such a gift of spaciousness. Yeah, because then I'm not stressing, because I can always I had this ability to like, slow down time and space. So I'd always make, I'd always get there on time. But the costs of that could have been ginormous. I was like, I've literally manipulated molecules of air to get their own time. And then I was like, what would happen if I use that superpower to create, rather than endure or overcome? And so they're like, What if I just leave 50 minutes earlier? It's like, so weird for those people who had families, who are you like Mark is like, we have to get that three hours before a disaster is gonna happen. And I'd be like, it's fine to get there a minute before checking closes, that's plenty of time. And the cost for that was ginormous, I'd be like, see, we made it. And it'd be like, Yeah, we did, but and so that's free, maybe to leave 10 minutes earlier. So find where those symbolic things are for you have spaciousness and enoughness and allowance, and especially before the money comes in, and then you can start doing the things that actually give you the money.
Lisa Danylchuk 53:11
Right. And it's such a flip, I think, for the pace of culture in America, for sure of like, urgency. And I honestly think a lot of that urgency stems from the founding of this country being based on some pretty dramatic things. But I'm sure there's other things at play there. But it's like, well, can we just stop and trust and not feel like there's these external powers that be that are going to knock us down if we ask for what we want? Or if we ask for the oat milk or the extra milk for the tea? Like there's so much richness there in terms of how we've internalized the world and how it works? And how when we question that, and we leave a little more space, and we leave a little more space in time, right? A little like that comfort that can come with what I don't have to stress about missing the flight. Because I know, I know I'm ahead of time enough, right? So I don't have to tear my hair out on the way to the airport, or I don't have to have my partner tearing their hair out even though I'm fine. I like that but just having that, you know, people talk a lot about abundance and it's like but just having enough like there's plenty there's plenty there's enough time and I'm allowed to be comfortable. I think that was a big one too. For me if I always felt like as a kid I was too cold or too hot. You know, and it was because I didn't have you know the right jumper or the right winter uniform or you know, and so even as a as an adult, I still was in that mindset. You know, I could afford an electric blanket when I lived in London for 20 pounds. But I was cold all the time because I just didn't feel like I was allowed to. And so when we built this house, we did like underfloor heating in the bathrooms and I didn't use it for like six months because I was just like, you can't, you can't get used to having warm for feet. Like, who are you going to be if you get used to having warm feet, and then you lose it all, and then you have to have cold feet again, it was almost like you lose your resilience. And, and then there's something there about going, like noticing and going, Oh, I'm a bit chilly, I might put on an extra jumper, or it's okay for me too, you know, like, put slippers on or something like that, that you think it's not necessarily about the cost. It's about the identity of yourself, who's someone who has to be resilient who has to suffer? Who isn't allowed to be comfortable? Yeah, and you start with the tiniest things, and then you work your way up. And then you'll find ones that are super symbolic, and you go, Oh, my God, no wonder I'm not allowed to, you know, make money or whatever. But for me, it was it was really I had to go to the real basics like root chakra stuff of warmth, food, water, you know, like drinking extra water, being able to have spaciousness between my meeting so I could literally urinate, you know, just like real basics for me, because I just did not know how to do that. And then I worked my way up to, or now I'm allowed to, you know, like, literally when I sold the house that we had just bought because it wasn't in the right place like that inconvenience so many people, but I could do that because I'd started with going. I think I'm allowed to like be warm. I think I'm allowed to be comfortable. I think I'm allowed to have a fresh cup of tea instead of reusing this tea bag five times.
Denise Duffield-Thomas 56:35
Like teeny tiny things and then like oh, now I'm allowed to buy a bank.
Lisa Danylchuk 56:41
What a concept!
Denise Duffield-Thomas 56:42
Why not me? You're honestly you're spiraling amazing ways for people if once you start
Lisa Danylchuk 56:48
Yeah, just looking for that there and asking why not me. And I think it's so funny because we can have simultaneously I have so much tea. I'm never going to be able to drink all this tea. Oh, I should reuse this tea bag. Like I can see that in myself and like the last week. Oh, should I reuse this tea bag again? Oh my god, I have so much tea I have to give away I have too much tea. It's like, well, what?
Denise Duffield-Thomas 57:12
Well, there's a lot of fun learning there to around advertising around what's luxurious for women. You know, it's like, there used to be this ad in Australia about this dish washing up liquid called Palmolive. And the way that they advertise it was like it's really soft on your hands. So this would be washing up with like red nails and then she'd be slack. Oh, yes, this washing up liquids so luxurious. And so we're kind of conditioned to be like, Wow, the height of luxury is buying a chocolate bar that's like $2 compared to a 50 cent one like that is just outrageously decadent. And washing my hair with herbal essence is like outrageously decadent. Yeah, there's so much unlearning around that stuff, right? Where it's like it does feel guilty than to do something. That's that's an actual luxury. Rather than a housework disguised as luxury or self, just basic human self-care, disguised as luxury. Yes, there's a lot of unloading there. And also, then it's okay. Like, you know, maybe you do like to go and walk around target as your self care. And that's totally fine, too. Yeah.
Lisa Danylchuk 58:30
So much unlearning and relearning. But I love all the things you're dropping in of just why not me, and there's always more hair ties, forks, fill in the blank, whatever it is, and I know I actually have another student who I love who also came on the podcast who collect spoons. And it's like a spoon theory. And if you've heard of this for chronic fatigue, Oh, yes. Do you? Yes, you just collect spoons, because then she always has another spoon, and she always has some more energy and some more life to carry around. And so it can be anything. Right, anything. Absolutely. Thank you so much, Lisa, if you enjoyed our conversation so much.
Lisa Danylchuk 59:10
Thanks so much for listening. My hope is that you walk away from these episodes feeling supported, and like you have a place to come to find the hope and inspiration you need to take your next small step forward. For more information and resources, please visit howwecanheal.com There you'll find tons of helpful resources and the full transcript of each show. Thanks so much for your messages, feedback, and ideas about the podcast. I love hearing from you and I so appreciate your support. There are lots of ways you can support the show and I'm grateful for every little bit of love you share. If you love the show, please leave us a review on Apple, Spotify, Audible, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also subscribe on YouTube to get updates every week. You can always visit howwecanheal.com/podcast to share your thoughts and ideas I love hearing from you. So keep your comments coming. If you'd like to stay connected in between episodes, you can also text me text the word heal to 888-858-0811. That's 888-858-0811. That number has a lot of eights in it. I'll send you some inspiration and support a few times a month and you can text me back there too. Before we wrap up, I want to be clear that this podcast isn't offering any prescriptions. It's not advice or any kind of diagnosis. Your decisions are in your hands. And we encourage you to consult with any relevant health care professionals you may need to support you through your unique path of healing. I'd also like to send thanks to our guests today to Christine O'Donnell and Celine Baumgartner of Bright Sighted Podcasting, and to everyone who helps support this podcast directly and indirectly. Alex, thanks for taking the dogs out while I record. Last week, I'd love to give a shout-out to my big brother man who passed away in 2002. He wrote this music and it makes my heart so happy to share it with you now.
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